Idiot alert! I'm kind of a sucker for weird ninja news. Here's the latest, and it's some seriously painful dumbassery. In Seattle, police say a man who thought he was a ninja was impaled on a metal fence when he tried to leap over it: "Ninja" Impaled On Fence In Seattle After Failed Leap.

An officer who was looking for an assault victim nearby Monday night heard the man screaming for help. Police supported him to prevent further injuries until medics arrived and took him to a hospital, where he is currently in serious condition in intensive care.

Officers thought the man might have been involved in the reported assault, but the guy insisted he was just a ninja trying to clear a 4- to 5-foot-tall fence. According to a police spokesman, the man was "overconfident" in his ninja abilities and alcohol likely played a role.

Ya think? Only drunk dudes think they are ninjas and try to jump a 5-foot tall metal fence. Hell, only drunk dudes think jumping a fence is a good idea in the first place. Sounds like the guy's been watching too many commercials for Ninja Assassin. Because you ain't no ninja, dude.